No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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