im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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