god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
