my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
