Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
