every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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