I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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