i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
