some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
