Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
