You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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