his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm at about main and main street
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
