When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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