I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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