How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
