So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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