sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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