i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
