Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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