if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
