i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
