dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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