im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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