Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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