I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
