Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
