the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
