Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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