I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
