i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
