dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
