high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want nice things and good sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
