Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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