I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
