walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
