My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
