Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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