My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i think i just lost a toe
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
