Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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