operation harelip BJ is a go
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
