I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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