You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
