We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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