meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
