He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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