he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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