I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he was CRYING into my vagina
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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