you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
