from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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