Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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