believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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