Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You made out with two different species that night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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