the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
