I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
