She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize