Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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