She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
