I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
