Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
