ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ruined the universe
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
