yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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