the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love you.
Bad choice
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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