I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
