i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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