I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
