That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
