Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Boobs are out for the taking
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
