This is not my ceiling
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
