Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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