Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We are all done wearing pants today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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