wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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