Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
