her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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