He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
