I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
