OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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