Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
