I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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