Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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