I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
