Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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