she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
