yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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